Money for nothin’ and your chicks for free
I think on this post, things are going to a be a bit of a mixed bag of topics revolving around a central theme. As the title implies, I’m focusing on the entitlement generation, but not necessarily on welfare moochers. I’m pretty sure that’s not the sort of political blog post I’m interested in writing.
What I’m ultimately getting at is a generation of people who no longer see the reward of hard work or doing what they ultimately have to do in life to achieve the rewards sincerely. This can manifest in a lot of situations, but I’ll cover a handful here just to sorta dump out what’s been on my mind.
In the romantic relationship department, somebody asked me what I thought about Second Life dating the other day and my response was simply that I’m a single guy floating in a sea of married women. Counterproductive at best and highly unlikely for anything worthwhile to manifest. However, I do keep trying because there is always an odd chance somebody could make the cut. After all, Jewlie and San are engaged in real life and just the other day they were looking at houses in real life together.
For those of you who don’t already know, Jewlie met San in Second Life, and they got together in real life for a happily ever after. So I don’t entirely discount this from happening if I were to try on my own behalf, though I also acknowledge that the odds are very slim when faced with such a disproportionately high number of women that aren’t serious in the least.
I’m old fashioned in my thinking, and more importantly my moral compass is welded in place. It’s just the way I was raised in that I wouldn’t ever cheat on a woman, nor would I ever feel comfortable playing “the other man” like a vulture hovering above waiting for the death of a bad relationship.
There’s plenty of actually single women in the world who have no such hang-ups, so why would I ever consider a woman that I would have to delude myself into thinking I have a real shot at?
But then there is the other side of the coin, that “In a bad relationship where I’m unhappy” part. A lot of separated and “complicated” statuses abound and it makes me wonder why nobody just makes a clean break so they can work on being actually happy?
Of course, I’ve heard every conceivable excuse on this matter.
We’re together just for the kids...
Well that’s bullshit. I’m the product of a single mother and I’m an only child. My mother did just fine without my father for my entire life. Of course, she did have to work harder to do it, and I absolutely respect her for that.
So I end up seeing quite a lot of people putting “Single” on their profiles when in reality they are Married but Unhappy or Married and in an Open Relationship.
It is times like that where I conjure the image of Inigo Montoya
Of course, then there is this merry-go-round where you see somebody state that they are single, give them a shot, and within a few days you end up in conversations like this:
“Who is that other guy?”
“Oh... don’t mind him... that’s my husband.”
“You said you were single...”
“I am... well... we’re just married on paper. We lead separate lives.”
“Then why the fuck are you still married?”
There is (obviously) that moment when you realize that they weren’t actually planning on telling you any of this anytime soon. It’s when they slip up or you manage to stumble upon that information yourself that they’re totally busted.
However, the really odd part about this is that entitlement thinking. The moment when they insist it’s fine and you should go along with it.
In my own mind, the thought process goes something like this:
Let’s see if I have this straight.
You are in a bad marriage, or an open relationship. Your husband is cheating on you openly or simply living a separate life from you. You are simply there on paper but in no way are you actually in a relationship. Either that or you and your husband (or just one of you) are in Second Life leading a fantasy and want me to play house with you or be that romantic interest to fill the void, but in absolutely no way do I actually have any shot with you at all...
Therefore, you are a complete waste of time to me as a relationship other than a friend.
You want to live in the land of self delusion and are looking for somebody to delude themselves in your escapism and share in it.
Nope. Not me.
As you could rightly tell by my inner dialogue, I’m a faithful and monogamous guy. The reasoning this sort of situation bothers me has less to do with me than it does with the actual results that such women tend to get on a regular basis in their search for the partner in delusion.
So often I see women bemoaning about how all they want is a faithful guy that doesn’t cheat and treats them good, because every guy seems to screw around for some entirely unknown reason...
Gee... I wonder why that is?
After all, why would anybody honestly believe that a man who would be romantically involved with a married woman wouldn’t be lying to them from the start? And yet, I see time and time again that those guys are cheating on the married women and not being faithful (HA!) as if a married woman has any right to tell a single man to be faithful to her.
Being the other man/woman in a relationship is a fools game at best. Judging from the revolving door of SL dating and relationship drama, we can figure out pretty quickly who is willing to actually play that game (next to nobody) but they’ll lie to you just the same and pretend for awhile.
But at the very least, we see a lot of short term fantasy fulfillment and playing house with some dolls before they’re right back where they started on some dating board saying how they’re looking for a Daddy for their three pretend kids.
I’ve told people time and again that if they’re married/separated/complicated, to come back when it’s simple and they really are single. The other night (and a few nights over the past weeks) I’ve run into somebody that almost dated me nearly three years ago. At the time she was saying she was single and it turned out she was separated. I told her to come back when she was actually single.
It’s been about three years now since that time. I asked if she’s single yet and she replied “No... we’re living together again but I’m unhappy and want out”
Well no shit, Sherlock.
Went from separated three years ago to now living back together again. You just went backwards from being single further than you were three years ago. The opposite of what I said...
So she got the same exact answer from me today as I gave her three years ago.
Of course, this isn’t restricted to just Second Life. I’ve seen similar situations in real life as well where this self-entitlement is rampant.
For instance, I talk (once in awhile) about the difference between Curvy and Fat, so let’s go for broke and commit some blogging blasphemy.
You’re Fat. Deal With It.
This is another big issue of mine that really hits home. Women who are overweight, unattractive and who insist they never wear makeup. They don’t even attempt to look good. Just sitting around with curlers in their hair and a Marlboro hanging from their lips like they’re God’s gift to the female population.
You’re not fooling anyone.
That’s why you steal photos of other women and porn actresses to give to guys instead of yourself. This is absolutely rampant in Second Life but also real life as well. I’m actually a moderator on OKCupid (though I have no idea why they appointed me one), and I see this bullshit all the time. This is where the whole Real Life tab gets separated and hidden... with pictures of anything else but not yourself and a message saying “RL is RL and SL is SL!”
Here’s the thing... a woman that actually looks good and is confident about herself would put a picture of herself in the RL tab of their profile because they don’t have anything to hide. They are actually proud of themselves and confident in how they look. Not insecure.
That doesn’t mean putting your damned phone number, home address and email in the box. There is a legit reason to avoid stalkers, but for crying out loud it’s not an excuse to be completely unreal while expecting people to be real with you. It just means your real picture and not some photos you stole off of a Facebook profile or a porn site (or a stock photo repository). I know most guys are actually too stupid to know better and will (usually) fall for it, but I’m not one of them.
I could very well put my email and actual phone number in that Real Life tab and nobody would come stalk me. My phone number and email address has been public domain for years now – so where the hell are all these crazy stalker bitches at? I think that whole “stalker” thing is overused and overblown.
In all the years my number has been publicly available, I have never once woken up to a voicemail that sounded like this:
Recently, under this guise, Rainyday Superstar even decided to see what would happen if she put out her phone number publicly. Well, obviously she got a lot of txt messages and stuff, but after awhile it calmed back down as people lost interest. During the peak of the chaos, she just had to go in and block some people for being obnoxious but that was it. Nobody ran up to Washington State to stalk her...
As far as ripping off other people’s pictures and asserting they are you, it’s really just ridiculous. I don’t know why people bother to do this at all.
Hell, I’ve seen this on social media sites in the open and people will reply “Damn baby! Lookin good!” without ever realizing those are stolen photos from some porn shoot compilation.
But then you get to people like me who actually can look stuff up and you’re in trouble because you get busted pretty quick for being a liar.
Ok, so here’s the thing... I get a lot of flak for this subject. Women always bitching at me because I’m being mean and superficial like I’m hatin’ on bigger women.
But I’m actually not.
I’m actually just telling you what you really need to hear instead of a comforting lie and playing into your sense of self entitlement. Of course, there is a difference between Fat and Curvy whereby Fat is unappealing and Curvy is sexy as hell, and whereby both people could weigh exactly the same.
I’m serious about this. I’ve seen big girls with curves and thought “Hot damn...” (some of them Texas belles are amazing) and then saw a woman that weighed exactly the same but was fat and thought “Ewww... No.”
This is where the women decry and bemoan my misogynistic ways. My unrealistic stereotypes about beauty and catering to societal stereotypes and blah blah blah.
Again, I will say bullshit.
The woman on the left would have a pile of numbers while the one on the right is more often than not pissed off at the guys for not talking to her, and pissed off because the woman on the left is getting all the attention.
You know why she’s getting all the attention? Because she isn’t bullshitting herself and did what it took to get those curves. Her reward is guys complimenting her and asking her out more often because she is actually appealing. This is what I mean by the entitlement generation...
Oh, but I’m sure I’ll hear no end to it about how I don’t know the depression and sense of futility being told I’m fat and not beautiful or appealing to others. I’ll be told how they’ve tried everything and it doesn’t work. I’ll be told big girls deserve to be treated like they’ve actually done something to deserve it...
And I will tell them bullshit once again.
I was 250+ pounds. I decided I was not happy with that weight, and I did not at any point in my life demand others to stop telling me I was fat and unattractive. I knew full well I was fat and unattractive with that gut hanging out. But instead of demand others lie to me about it and tell me I looked good... I told them to only give me an honest opinion even if they thought it would hurt my feelings.
I actually wanted them to hurt my feelings. Because that was my motivation to be better. It’s called negative reinforcement and it exists for a legitimate reason. The same reason that punishing your kids when they royally fuck up versus giving them a time-out and no consequences determines whether or not they grow up self-entitled brats. You’re not supposed to feel good about being a total fuck-up, you’re supposed to be motivated to be better than that for yourself and for others. It is a hardship to overcome legitimately and it takes work to do that.
When I started getting sincere compliments about my weight and looks instead of people trying to be politically correct and not hurt my feelings, I knew I had absolutely earned it and they were being sincere.
And you know something? I stepped on the scale last night and this is what I saw -
Yep... I now clock in at 160 lbs. Which is 5 lbs over my target weight of 155. For my height, I am now a healthy weight. Yes, this is really a picture of my feet. When I went to step on that scale, I had assumed I was actually about 190+ pounds still. So I am fully aware of that notion where your perception doesn’t jive with reality when you look in the mirror.
I feel legitimately good about myself, and any compliments I get for how I look I know are legitimately earned. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. My confidence level has gone up dramatically over the years as I lost weight and got into better shape. I can walk into a room and not feel self conscious about it, and you know what? My RL tab in Second Life now has a recent picture of myself for real to replace the one I took years ago when I was overweight.
So don’t give me any shit about you refusing to get your ass in shape. I’m not obligated in any way, shape or form to lie to you. I’m sure as hell not going to feel bad for being honest and not sugar coating it.
Nobody owes you a compliment if you haven’t earned it.
Nobody owed me a compliment when I looked like this years ago.
I still have that shirt and those shorts today, and where they barely fit me back then – today they hang off of me many sizes too big. I couldn’t be happier about this if I tried. I smile every time I put them on and I have to tie them tight to stay on my hips.
I’ve legitimately earned feeling better about myself.
Coming from a point in my life where I actually was fat and out of shape, I can speak from experience when I say I don’t owe you any false compliments and nobody else does either. If you are fat and unattractive, then I’m not going to tell you otherwise.
That’s why it’s called Survival of the Fittest and not Survival of the Fattest.
This is me today, at a healthy 160 lbs. I got there by eating better and exercising. It was a long and hard journey, and it sure as hell didn’t happen over night. But I did what it took to legitimately get there and earn it.
Am I finished yet? By no means. I still want to tone up some more now that I’ve reached my target weight range. I know it’ll be some more work to achieve that, but by god when I start showing those toned abs and muscle definition, I’ll know I’ve worked hard to earn it.
Which in the end is the point to all of this.
We can either take the easy way out and insist others tell us a comforting lie, or we can decide to motivate and do what it takes to legitimately earn feeling better about ourselves or a situation we’re in.
If you run around married/separated and insist that your boyfriend be faithful, you’re only lying to yourself and he’s lying to your face when he says he will be faithful. You have no right to demand that at all or expect it.
And yet so many women actually do expect the “other man” to be faithful to them.
If they ran off with somebody else it was simply because they found a better hand than what you’ve dealt them. If you want to keep a man, then it is in your best interest to make sure the hand you’re dealing them is the best hand you possibly can offer instead of a couple of Jokers and the Instruction card.
This mentality goes in the opposite direction, and clearly shows the hypocrisy of this Curvy vs Fat debate in a nutshell. For instance, let’s turn the table:
I know right now a lot of women are like “But that’s different!”
No it’s not. If you had a choice between the guy on the left versus the guy on the right, you’d be all over the guy on the right in a heartbeat and you know it.
But you don’t see the guy on the left walking around the clubs or telling women that he’s sexy and deserves to be treated like he’s physically appealing. He knows damned well he’s not. He also knows that the curvy and good looking women are way out of his league because he legitimately doesn’t deserve such a woman.
Damned guys and their six-pack abs coming along and taking the good looking women!
Life is Just A Fantasy
Ok, maybe not. But Second Life is predominantly just a fantasy, and I actually get that aspect of things. But there is such a thing as a healthy escape versus an unhealthy escape.
Too many are caught in that loop of unhealthy escapism and it bothers me. Maybe I have a little too much empathy for my own good, but behind every married woman looking for a boyfriend, there is usually a cheating and neglectful husband.
In every open relationship there is usually one or both parties acting like they are single and never really committing to their partner. An open relationship to me means one or two people who never should have been married at all but should have stayed single and a serial dater.
Marriage is a full commitment.
If it’s anything less than that, then call it what it really is – you just wanted to continue dating. It’s not the open relationships that get me, but instead the audacity to be married at the same time. It absolutely defeats the point of being married.
The same goes for the all-too-easy attainment of virtual perfection when it comes to your avatar. Pretending to be a drop-dead gorgeous bombshell knockout versus actually being one are two different things entirely. If being fat and unattractive didn’t bother you, then you sure as hell wouldn’t be running around pretending to be a porn-star in Second Life.
This is what I did when it came to my own avatar in Second Life:
I modeled it after how I wanted to be in real life, but then worked on matching my reality with my avatar appearance.
Most people just stop at the wishful thinking and never bother on the follow-through because... like... that totally sounds like actual work and stuff.
And you know... that’s perfectly fine. It’s when you spend so much time in the fantasy that it becomes the replacement for your reality that you have a problem.
If you have a bad marriage or are unhappy, then what you need to do is turn off the fucking computer and go fix your life for real.
If you’re fat and unattractive, all those hours spent in Second Life are better spent exercising and losing the weight. They are better spent learning how to apply some makeup instead of sitting around wishing you were attractive and appealing through a Barbie doll and being inwardly resentful of the women who do look damned good.
If all you have is the wishful thinking part of the equation, then all you will ever get is wishful thinking as a result. A comforting lie at best, and a boat load of drama.
At the end of the day, I believe fully that if you want something then all you have to do is be willing to actually work to get it. Face the problem head-on and tackle it like a boss.
In the meantime, I don’t cater to the entitlement thinking or the politically correct notion of inflating egos insincerely. Ultimately, I don’t care if you like that or not.
That’s exactly the point.
How low do we have to get before we reach our breaking point and say it’s no longer good enough to accept things the way they are? When we find that inner fight again, and start kicking ass and taking names in life?
I reached my breaking point years ago and I’ve demanded better ever since. I won’t even let myself off the hook for not doing better when I absolutely should be.
That’s where you need to be if you want things to truly be better instead of having an unrealistic notion of entitlement. Life is supposed to kick your ass if you aren’t willing to fight back and do what it takes. That’s normal, and that’s why you should get up and never accept less than better of and for yourself.
If you really cared about others, you wouldn’t let them settle for less either or play into it just to give them a comforting lie.
At the end of the day, I have a Lewis Black attitude, and maybe so should you.
Torches and pitchforks will be available in the lobby after this post is complete. Please stay orderly and keep a single file line. Refreshments and snacks are located in the back.